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Renge's Own Personal Playground
Contest #3 - Snap - Pg-13 
15th-Aug-2006 09:43 pm
Sorry, tigtogtiffy, but I had to give you some competition.

Mine is in the range of 890 words.

Author: mirax_took_
Title: Snap
Contest #: 3
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Some vague, one-sided Hitachiin/Haruhi, Tamaki/Haruhi, Mori/Haruhi.
Warning: Heed the rating. If discussion of feminine hygiene grosses you out, give this one a miss.
Summary: One of these days, Haruhi will snap. The Hitachiins and Mother Nature help this eventuality out.


"No," Haruhi said, for what felt like the 500th time, "I have not gone skinny-dipping in the ocean. It is very, very unlikely that I ever will."

The twins looked at her with pity. "You're missing out."

The majority of the girls in the class had fainted from overwhelming mental images. The fact that this number included the teacher made Haruhi feel slightly uncomfortable.

"You should come with us next time we go," Hikaru said invitingly.

"You know what they say: two is company, but three is a crowd."

Kaoru shook his head. "You've got it all wrong, Haruhi. When skinny-dipping is involved, three's always more fun."

The girls who had bravely kept to their feet promptly hit the floor.

"It's not happening. Can we get back to Mathematics now?"

"Sorry, can't," the twins answered at once. "Teach over there is still unconscious."


"Haruhi, I heard that you are going to the Hitachiin house this summer. Something to do with swimming...?"

A pile of rice fell from Haruhi's chopsticks to her bento. "Whatever," she asked, confused, "would have given you that idea?"

Kyouya continued to write on his clipboard, seemingly oblivious to Haruhi's food woes. "I heard it from a rather reliable source in the lunchroom a few minutes ago." Haruhi clenched her teeth. Kyouya, while impervious to the fall of a mountain of rice, looked up at this small noise. He smiled briefly. "In case you were wondering, I would never consider the twins reliable, in any sense of the word."

"I'm not staying at the Hitachiin house this summer," Haruhi said with a sigh. "This is all a stupid misunderstanding."

"Ah. I just wanted to remind you that any romantic developments between you and another Host would be the property of the Club to market as they, and by they I mean I, see fit."

"No romantic developments of any kind," Haruhi answered dryly. "Can I finish my bento now?"


"Haruhi!" Something similar to a small cannonball smashed into Haruhi's back. "I heard that you were moving in with the Hitachiins!"

"What?" Haruhi rubbed her forehead wearily. "Who told you that, Honey-senpai?"

"We heard it from one of your classmates," Honey said happily, jumping off of Haruhi's back and thus allowing her to turn and face the two third years of the Host Club.

"It's not true," she said flatly. "Don't my classmates have anything better to do than gossip about the twins and I?"

"You're part of the Host Club," Honey said, as if rampant gossip should be an obvious by-product of selling her soul to Kyouya.

"Yes," Mori said quietly. "You are part of the Host Club."

Haruhi pushed herself away from the wall. "And right now I should be part of Traditional Japanese. It's not true, okay? By this point, I would not go near the Hitachiin house with a twenty-foot stick."



She had expected peace and quiet after the customers left. She should have known better.

Tamaki attached himself to her shoulders. "Haruhi, it's awful! I've heard that you're marrying those demon twins, and that you've already... you've already..." Giant pearly tears welled up in Tamaki's clear blue eyes. Suddenly, he whirled upon the grinning Hitachiins. "Stop smirking, you insufferable idiots!"

The twins grinned. "Milord's developed a healthy appreciation for alliteration," they said together.

Tamaki ran at them with the intent to maim. "You evil twins! You are out of the family! I cannot believe that you'd even think of defiling my daughter!"

Haruhi's eyebrow twitched. "Defiling?" She said the word slowly, as if tasting it for the first time. The other members of the Host Club stopped moving and stared at her, vaguely terrified. "Look," she said in a tone that could freeze mercury, "I am sick and tired of this. You lot are like a bunch of gossiping old ladies. Can't I get a moment's peace?"

"I don't know," Kaoru said suavely.

"You should hear the things we supposedly get up to during those 'moments of peace.'" Hikaru waggled his eyebrows.

Haruhi snapped. "You," she hissed venomously, pointing to the unlucky twins, "you two are twin terrors and completely unfit for human society." Tamaki looked on proudly but flinched away as she turned to point at him. "You are a whining, crying baby." The finger moved on to Kyouya. "You are a manipulative, lonely jerk." Honey was the next victim. "You are a dependent, pretending liar. YOU.... AH!" Words apparently failed her when it came to Mori. "I am going home," she announced angrily, whirling towards the door.

The Host Club watched her march past them. Suddenly, Hikaru smiled and turned to Kaoru. "I see!" he said brightly. "It's that time of the month!"

Haruhi stopped moving.

Tamaki was the next to brighten, but he soon returned to gloom. "Oh, Haruhi," he moaned. "Forgive us for failing you in your time of bloody need!"

Haruhi began to turn around, but decided mid-turn that her first decision had been the right one. She made a break for it.

By the time she reached the door, Mori was already holding it open.

"The nurse should have extra... hygienic products," he told the ceiling softly, his face a bright red.

By the end of the day, Haruhi was going to have to kill either herself or the twins.

All laws of probability pointed to the twins.
16th-Aug-2006 02:27 am (UTC)

This was so perfect! I could picture the scenes coming straight from an Ouran episode. You kept everyone in very good character and made the dialogue hillarious-- all in all, great job! I really enjoyed it. XD
16th-Aug-2006 01:07 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you enjoyed it! The hardest character to keep in character was probably Haruhi, but I'm glad you think I succeeded. Thank you for your compliments!
17th-Aug-2006 01:26 am (UTC)
Gossip, gossip and more gossip. Great job! I was definitely smiling by the end xD
17th-Aug-2006 02:00 am (UTC)
You have to imagine that the Host Club gets more than the usual amount of gossip. They practically survive on gossip. I bet Kyouya runs a rumor mill, just for publicity purposes.

Glad this made you smile!
17th-Aug-2006 02:02 am (UTC)
You're probably right about Kyouya running a rumor mill. He does have his "reliable sources"
20th-Aug-2006 01:35 pm (UTC)
Forgive us for failing you in your time of bloody need! - love that line. Great story. Thank you for submitting.
20th-Aug-2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
Tamaki pretty much has the common sense of a paper plate, especially when it comes to Haruhi, so you have to assume he'd say something like that. Thank you for the compliment!
25th-Nov-2006 10:41 am (UTC)
Aw man, this was fantastic. I was going through the mems of the comm to see what kind of stories had won the challenges, and this was simply masterful! Well done on some incredible writing! I think you captured Haruhi perfectly (something very hard to do) and everyone else was fantastically in-character. Best line?

"You're part of the Host Club," Honey said, as if rampant gossip should be an obvious by-product of selling her soul to Kyouya.

Going into the memories. ♥
29th-Nov-2006 12:57 am (UTC)
I absolutely adore this. This definately was a day brightener. You were spot on with the characters. Yes, Kyouya owns her soul. In fact, he probably owns us all and us covertly marketing us as I type. Masterful, this was completely masterful.

8th-Dec-2006 09:48 pm (UTC)
Forgive us for failing you in your time of bloody need!</i? That was PERFECT!! XD A+!
12th-Dec-2006 11:51 am (UTC)
"Milord's developed a healthy appreciation for alliteration," they said together.

I laughed a lot! Fantastic. :D
6th-Mar-2007 12:41 am (UTC)
*rolls on floor laughing*

I should have seen that coming, especally with the warning at the beginning, but I didn't.

And- And-

14th-Mar-2007 10:47 am (UTC)
Ah HA. That was a delightful little read, thank you so much! You've got some wicked sweet turns of phrase nestled in there, which really enhanced the fun for me! And I loved Mori at the end--HA!
18th-Aug-2007 07:24 pm (UTC)
*slaps hand on the floor while laughing her head off*

Hahahaha! Oh man that was just too bloody good!
4th-May-2010 01:14 am (UTC)
Oh my god, that was awesome! And that last comment by Hikaru just about killed me. Great job!
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